


L'appel du Vide

by cherrypiecas



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adult Pines Twins, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bipper, Coming of Age, Dimension Travel, Dipper Pines Has Panic Attacks, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Gravity Falls Oregon, Heavy Angst, Horror, Human Bill Cipher, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Character Death, Missing Persons, Missing in Action, Mystery Shack, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Older Pines Twins, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Past Drug Use, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Weirdmageddon, Slow Burn, Thriller, Ultimate Sacrifice, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-23
Packaged: 2018-05-21 09:27:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6046513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrypiecas/pseuds/cherrypiecas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a tragic accident, Mabel Pines goes missing in action, leaving Dipper to pick up the pieces of her mystery. But after a familiar childhood villain returns after being thought of as dead and promises to help find Mabel, Dipper must make a choice. With a panic and anxiety disorder and distrust of everyone and everything, Dipper must decide what to choose when nothing is as it seems. In a tale of friendship, family, learning to trust, love, and a thrilling mystery, Dipper must find himself again after years of anxiety and fear holding him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

The sun had just set on Gravity Falls when I drove into the small Oregon town that had probably been more of my hometown than Piedmont, California. I clenched the wheel as I entered past the sign. Very little weirdness actually resided in the town now, especially after Mabel and I had simply grown up and left. The woods were still the woods, creepy as ever, but less seemed to be there. Everything seemed just a bit sadder and emptier after everything happened. Maybe I was just trying too hard to keep everything from disappearing from my memory. 

I spotted the mini flag on my GPS, symbolizing that I was extremely close to the very old Mystery Shack, now owned by Soos, his wife Melody, and Mabel. It had some restorations done over the years, but I could recognize it even if I was blind. I pulled into the front of it as I stared at the grass growing back after the long, cold winter. I pressed my foot against the break and turned the car off as I stared into space for a minute, trying to prepare myself for what would happen next. Maybe I could just drive away and disappear myself, and hide from it all, but I knew I couldn’t do that. The mystery was too great for me to resist, and after all, I wouldn’t be able to hide forever.  
I opened my car door, my feet slushing into the damp grass and mud mixture, making me cringe at the creation on my shoes. I readjusted my hat and saw the one light on in the kitchen. Walking up to the front door, I felt myself begin to shake before I thought about knocking. The door swiftly opened, and the friend I had left behind for the last time at age sixteen stared me right in the face.

“Hey dude,” he said softly as I bit my lip and tried to stop from feeling like crying.

“Hey Soos,” I nervously shifted my feet, scared at what would come out of his mouth after I had left the last time, “What have you been up to?”

“The usual, you know.” I could feel the slight tension after not seeing me after what seemed like forever. 

“So, um, Mabel…” I stared before trailing off.

“You can come in, dude.” Soos shrugged as I felt the itch under my skin from my stupid medication once again. 

Melody stood at the stove, stirring something in a large pot.

“Hey, Dipper!” she offered a small smile as I walked in, biting my lip. 

“Hi, Melody,” I sat down on the open chair at the table, “How you been?”

“Aw, you know,” her mouth turned up at the corners with a sweet; honey-like smile, “Same old, same old.” 

“That’s good,” I pressed my lips together as I tried to think of more small talk.

“Do you want some mac and cheese?” Melody began to fill three bowls with mac and cheese.

My stomach was restless but I was hungry nonetheless. I felt myself nod.

“Yes, please.” I replied. 

She poured a small amount into a bowl and handed it to me, smiling again with her sugar-sweetness. I took the bowl and mixed it around with my spoon. Biting my lip, I tried to avoid addressing the true reason I was here, as they well it well enough but it just seemed impossible to bring up. 

“So…what happened to Mabel Pines?” I asked awkwardly as I stood in the middle of the kitchen. 

I saw Soos’s expression drop as I watched him push his hair back. 

“Well,” he started, “Melody and I left and, I don’t know dude, she was watching the house because she’d been in the dumps after Stan died. When we came back, she was just gone.” 

“Oh.” I felt my skin feel like it was itching again and I sighed with disappointment at the lack of information.

I picked at the mac and cheese and sat at the small, round table with them, picking up a spoonful of mac and cheese. Placing it in my mouth, I savored the flavor. The rest of the makeshift dinner was awkward and quiet before I announced that I was going upstairs. 

Walking through the house to the attic was like walking back into childhood- walking back into the mystery of growing up. I spotted the old room where the wax figures were. I saw the cooler where Grunkle Stan would keep the sodas. I shook my head as I went up the stairs into the attic. 

A simple mattress laid there, my side of the room left there. My trashcan remained full of old crumpled pieces of paper with my old theories about the town and books sat on the small shelf that I kept. I sat on the side of the mattress, staring at Mabel’s now-barren side of the room. I felt my toes curl in as I rubbed at my eyes. The panicky feeling started to come back and I knew that I’d have to grab my suitcase from the car to get my Xanax. I laid back down on the bed and breathed softly, trying to get my breathing and brain under control. Staring at the ceiling, I bit my lip again and felt my hands shake slightly. All I could hear was “Mabel’s gone, Mabel’s gone, and Mabel is gone,” playing over and over in my ears like some sort of broken record. I shifted my position and laid on my side. I could hardly even think. My mind raced with all sorts of thoughts.

I got up and rushed down the stairs. My breath caught in my throat as I felt the panic attack come on again. I fell to my knees as I got to my car and I felt my hands shake as I desperately tried to look for my keys but I couldn’t feel them in my pocket. I tried desperately not to cry and blubber with the feeling inside me crying out for the need of the Xanax. I itched all over and felt my breath come short. I needed air. 

I felt the shaky tears slide down my cheeks and I clenched my fists again as I felt my heart beat racing in my ears. I yanked at the car door, desperate to open it. I remembered the keys and I finally found them in my pocket. I unlocked the door, throwing it open and digging through the glove compartment for the Xanax. The orange bottle revealed itself and I cried out in relief as I poured two pills in my shaking hand and swallowed it willingly. I still felt the panic in my body, but I relaxed as I felt the pill already beginning to take effect. My hands relaxed and I laid back in the seat, starting to breathe again. 

I sat there for the longest time, savoring how good the air felt once I could grasp it and how good my body felt without the insane amount of tension it was usually in. I pulled at a strand of hair and gave another sigh of relief. Rubbing my eyes, I stood up and grabbed my suitcase, feeling exhausted. I locked the car and pulled at my hoodie sleeves to cover my knuckles. I walked back up to the attic and laid down on the bed again, my mind hardly able to process any thoughts. My worries had considerably faded and all that was left was the watered down streaks of what they once were. I felt myself drift in and out of consciousness as I opened and closed my eyes to the sound of my slowing heartbeat.  
I stood in the middle of a field. Wheat stood up in long stalks around me. I felt the itch again and I waited as the dark grey sky seemed uninviting and unfriendly. The fear of it all hit me and I was pulling back on my curly, scraggly hair. 

“Hello?” I called out, instantly knowing it was a stupid thing but it seemed like the only way to get answers.

No one responded as I saw a dark cloud forming in the distance. It began to approach me quickly and I began to run as all of my veins cried out desperately as I felt my heart racing again. I panted as it approached faster and faster, a wave of black water rushing and rushing towards me. I held my scream back and flailed my arms in a frenzy as I tried to desperately escape the black water’s wrath. The water splashed at my ankles and sizzled as I screamed out in pain. My skin was scorched and I felt the tears rush to my eyes as the pain rushed throughout my body. Running faster, my muscles burned and my whole body screamed, with nothing escaping my throat. I tripped and the water splashed all over my body. I sank in it, coughing and choking as I tried to escape its fiery wrath. 

“Who are you?” I screamed as I coughed up the water, “Why are you doing this?”

The water filled my mouth, ears, and nose. I choked and coughed, panting against its force. Struggling against its force, I stared at the grey sky and felt the exhaustion wave through my body. I felt the water pull me under to a watery grave. I felt my body give out as I drifted farther and farther under. My mind raced all at the same time, giving an illusion of peace. All I could see was murky, dark water, raging in different shades but still opaque. 

“Why…” I said quietly, listening to the bubbly sound. 

I felt burns singe on my skin once again and I twitched as I felt my body spasm. Flames burst out into the shape of a triangle. I screamed as I felt something cutting into my back. I gritted my teeth as a bloodcurdling shriek filled my ears. I winced against the sound as I saw the eye come into form. It burned with a flame more that flame and I dug my nails into my palms as I felt the blood from the cuts dripping down my back, burning worse than before. I could only hear his name shrieking in my ears.

“BILL CIPHER!” I felt myself scream his name as the tears were forced out of my eyes. 

I opened my eyes. The screams had gone silent, yet my skin still felt the burning sensation. I shivered as I saw the wounds on my hands from clenching them so hard. I grabbed the orange pill bottle and immediately took a Xanax pill. I sat on the side of the bed, rubbing at my eyes. I reached back and touched my back. Wincing, I pulled my hand away. I picked at the dried blood under my fingers. Jumping up, I ran to the bathroom, locking the door. I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. Turning around, I spotted the figure cut into my back. 

A triangle.  
Very funny, Bill.

The terror hit me again as I realized what had happened.

Bill was not dead.

 

Billwasnotdeadbillwasnotdeadbillwasntdeadbillnotdeadnotdeadnotdeadnotdeadalivealive


	2. two

I ruptured the egg of the side of the counter with a swift blow, pulling it apart to let the insides fall into the pan. I bit my lip as it sizzled. I picked up the spatula with my left hand and watched it cook. I heard footsteps behind me and turned around quickly, still tense from last night. I felt the soreness in my back. I sighed with relief as I saw Soos, shuffling into the kitchen as he rubbed his eyes.

“Ugh, dude, its six in the morning,” He sniffled as he reached for the small box of Allegra on the counter.

I licked my lips again and curled my toes in, feeling that relieving crack of the joints.

“Oh,” I stared at the clock, suddenly aware of the time, “Sorry. I, uh, was gonna look through Mabel’s stuff. You know maybe try to find something to help me look for her.”

“The police took most of it, dude. Don’t worry so much. I’m sure they’ll find her. She probably wandered off too far in the woods or something.” Soos shrugged as I pushed my hand through my hair.

Flipping the egg on to its side, I placed in on the plate and stared at the small yellow yolk. I poked at it with a fork, pressing my lips together as the egg bled yellow. Grabbing the plate, I sat down as I watched Soos yawn and stretch. I cut off a small piece of egg with my fork and put it in my mouth, chewing slowly. I ate the rest quietly as Soos scrolled through something on his phone. I put my plate in the sink and scampered off to Mabel’s room. Residue from the police tape that used to cover the door before the evidence was gathered still stuck to the door. I turned the door knob and felt the tears instantly spring to my eyes.

The room was mostly barren after the evidence was gathered; the bed stripped, her trashcan emptied. However, the photo collection on her wall remained up. I sat down on her mattress and stared at the photos, strung on the wall by colorful string in a strange assortment. A few pictures of us as kids from each summer spent here were arranged in a chain and other assorted pictures from prom, college, or just other things that I guess she deemed important. I looked as I saw the photo of Grunkle Stan and I felt my heart drop. Biting my lip hard, I tried to stop myself from crying again. I saw the smudge marks from Mabel’s fingerprints and I slowly let out my breath again. I pushed a small strand of my chocolate brown hair back away from my face.

I took the picture down from its clothespin. I flipped the picture to the back and read the date. I felt myself freeze as I saw it.

“Hey Dipper,” A sleepy Melody appeared behind me as she pulled her hair back into a pony tail, “What’re you looking at?”

“Just this picture of Grunkle Stan and Mabel,” I held it out to her.

Melody took it, holding it by the edges, “Oh yeah, I took this. Mabel was visiting from college that day. She and Grunkle Stan insisted. It’s just really sad how that happened. Who would’ve known that old man had an aneurysm, especially after Ford already had brain cancer. Poor twins. Condemned to loss of the brains.”

“I know,” I answered softly, shuffling my feet as I thought about Grunkle Ford in that hospital, alone without his brother.

“I just wish I could’ve done something. If only Soos, Mabel, and I had stayed home that day. Ugh, I just feel guilty after everything was going on without me here. This Mystery Shack seems to hold plenty of tragedy.” Melody sighed as she handed me the photo back.

I shrugged as I watched her walk away. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I lingered in the room for just a few more minutes before returning back to my own. I stared at the wall more before grabbing a notebook from my suitcase and sat at my desk. Blowing the dust off of the wood, I sneezed twice before picking up my pen and starting to write.

_I am pretending to write something down._

I remembered all of the awkwardness that summer when Bill took over Gravity Falls with Wendy and my desperate and stupid plan to try to get her to like me back. Ever since then, there had been awkwardness and make out sessions at parties and that one time when I was eighteen at that party when one of my friends and I both got drunk and I lost my virginity on accident. Most people would say that didn’t count because I never really _felt_ anything, but it was quite better than saying that I still hadn’t lost my virginity at twenty two.

_I still have no idea where Mabel is._

I pushed my hair back again as I played with the pen in my hand. I tapped the pen against my cheek as I thought again.

_Bill Cipher is back._

I froze again as I realized what I’d wrote. I remembered the cuts on my back and shivered. I didn’t know what it was, but Bill had plans for me.

_This is stupid. I should be trying to find Mabel, not sitting here wallowing in my sadness._

I paused again.

_I should go visit Grunkle Ford._

I should. Putting the pen down, I stared at what I had written on the piece of paper so far. I ripped the paper out of the notebook with a quick yank and crumbled it into a small ball. I aimed and threw at the trash can.

“Shit,” I said as I watched it land outside the trash bin and on to the floor.

I got up and walked over the small crumpled ball, kneeled and placed it into the trash bin along with the other old papers. Sighing, I got back up and lay back down on the bed. I’d hardly done anything and I already felt completely exhausted to the very core. Stretching my legs out, I stared at the sad, empty side of the room and felt the sad empty side of my heart where Mabel used to sit, smiling at me like an idiot. I pressed my lips together, trying to imagine what she looked like but I could hardly remember. Her long, coffee-without-the-creamer-added color hair was fading from my memory and my worst fear was coming true. I had lost my best friend, my only family, and most importantly of them all, I had lost my twin sister, and that broke me.

I sat up and yawned, rubbing at my eyes. Picking up my shoes, I tugged them on to my feet. I picked up my wallet and keys from my desk and shoved them in my pocket. Digging through my pocket, I grabbed my small pill pocket and loaded an extra Xanax pill into it as I rubbed my temples. I really didn’t want to go. I walked past Soos and Melody, opening up the shop for the day.

Getting into my car, I felt my fears begin to eat at me again as I stared at the road. I turned the keys in the keyhole, feeling the engine start. I had an unbreakable grip on my steering wheel as I found myself driving to the hospital. Biting my lip, I began to remember the drive to the hospital when I’d overdosed for the first time.

_My vision shook as I was placed in the backseat._

I cringed as I found myself starting to remember again and I thought to myself- why had I done it?

_Wendy had taken off my hat and laid my head in her lap, brushing my hair out of my face. All I could see was her red hair and her worried eyes. Mabel drove the sped the car down the road as I could hear her shaky voice from the front seat. She’d sounded like she was talking from inside a tunnel._

I felt the tears sting my eyes.

_“Dipper, hang on, please. Don’t you dare die on me,” Wendy had a tear fall and hit me in the face. My eyes felt heavy as I closed them._

I stared at the road.

_For once, nothing was in my brain. The feeling of no panic felt blissful to myself and I savored each moment of it, knowing it wouldn’t last. I closed my eyes and began to see a dim light in the distance._

I felt my hands shake on the wheel as I turned into the hospital parking lot.

_The voices of the paramedics were so distant that I could hardly hear them._

I felt the familiar breeze on my face as I turned the car off and stared at the hospital.

_I felt nothing._

I felt everything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait & short chapter!  
> I'm going into high school next year so the scheduling stuff- yknow.  
> I see I'm getting quite a lot of views- thanks readers!  
> For those who are wondering where the Billdip is- this is a slow burn fic but don't worry, i sense some billdip coming up later ;)  
> anyways thank you guys so much for reading  
> new chapter very soon as tomorrow is my birthday and i probably am not really doing anything lmao  
> -c.p.c


	3. three

He sat at the foot of the bed, a long blue hospital gown hanging off of his underweight body. I tried not to stare at him too much as I saw his balding head. Biting my lip, I watched him for a minute before walking to approach him.

“Go away, damn nurse.” He muttered. I watched him shift as he heard me behind him.

“Grunkle Ford…” I trailed off as I found myself out of breath again.

He turned and saw me as I saw his exhausted eyes feast on my image.

“It’s me, Dipper.” I forced a smile.

“Where’s Stanley? I’d like to talk to him.” Ford asked.

“Um,” I bit my lip again as I tried desperately not to cry.

“Where is my brother?” he asked again.

“He- he’s not here right now.” I lied nervously.

“Oh. It’s just that I haven’t seen him since… a long time and I think he’s afraid of me dying on him so he’s detaching himself from me.” Grunkle Ford shrugged and frowned.

“Grunkle Ford… I…” I stuttered, “Stanley… Stanley… he… he died.”

I felt my eyes water as I saw his eyes widen and instantly saw the tears spring to them.

“No… that can’t be.” He shook his head as he pushed his hair back, “You’re lying to me…no…”

I felt my throat get tight again as I sat on the bed next to him.

“I know you’re upset,” I started to lose my voice as my hands shook, “But there’s something else too.”

“My brother is _dead,_ Dipper. My best friend. How could there possibly be something else that-”

“Bill Cipher is back. Mabel’s gone.” I spit the words out like they were the foulest thing I’d ever eaten.

He wiped away his tears, “What?”

His shocked expression chilled me to the bone.

“I think Bill took Mabel,” my voice wobbled.

“There’s no way he’s back, we-” he grabbed my wrists.

I pulled my shirt over my head and turned my back to him. A gasp escaped from his lips as I pushed my hair away from my face. I felt him trace the triangle shaped wound in my back.

“How could he do that?” Ford watched me pull my shirt back over my head. I ached with pain and shivered.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, “Do you know anything?”

“I need to think,” he uttered, “Leave.”

“But- ” I protested.

“Leave.”

I went home and lay back down on my bed. I popped one of my sleeping pills back in my mouth and swallowed hard. The coating of the pill touched my tongue a little, making me want to spit. I laid there, pulling on my coarse wavy hair as I stared at the ceiling. Biting my lip again, I waited for sleep as I felt the woods call out to me from the window. I pulled myself up and stared out the window from my bed, the darkness setting on the trees. I’d thought it wasn’t that late but apparently I had spent a lot more time at the hospital and walking around the house in a daze than I had originally thought.

I felt my hands get twitchy and I desperately needed to get sleep. I stared out into the forest however, and I found myself still fascinated by something. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but something was different. I could feel it in the shivers of my spine and I knew that something was wrong. Something dark had come back over this town, and I could feel it everywhere. I knew it must be Bill Cipher.

I felt the triangle etched into my back itch irresistibly as I stared into the lush spring trees. Rubbing my temples, I stared at the darkness and wished it didn’t lure me as much as it did. I ran downstairs and outside, past a confused Soos, who stocked up the Mystery Shack with new supplies. I felt a pang as I remembered how Grunkle Stan would stock up the shack and randomly glue random shit together and call it a mysterious animal. I shook my head and followed my strong desire for the outside.

The triangle etched in my back burned as I got closer and closer to the woods. They were enthralling and absolutely captivating for some reason. I found myself shedding off all of the levels of fear that I used to have of the creepy woods as I ran closer and closer ruthlessly. I ran into the thick trees and brush until I threw myself at the forest floor. My mind raced with nothing as I felt the tingling sensation run all over me. Lying down, I felt my mind slow down as I felt the fatigue and fear suddenly hit me. The paranoia crawled in, leaving me trembling and wide-eyed as I looked around the dark trees. Something rustled behind me. I jumped, clenching my fists. I began to run back, only to realize that I had no idea where I’d come from. I felt panicked and frantic again as I felt my chest hurt and my breaths catch in my throat. I pushed my hands back through my hair again and wanted to scream as I curled up in fear. My mind filled with static and fear. The triangle felt like my skin was burning off and I tried to scream out in pain. Tears ran down my cheeks as I felt myself drift off, everything getting wavy and distorted.

I rose. I rubbed at my eyes as I saw the field of flowers surrounded me. The beautiful Blue Lilac flowers surrounding me were in full bloom. I heard the crashing sound behind me and I instantly knew by the excruciating all-consuming rage of fire on the triangle on my back that it could only be the one.

“BILL!” I screamed as I stared at the still beautiful flowers.

I watched as I saw the flowers begin to wilt.

“I know it’s you, Bill.” I said quietly, my voice hoarse from screaming, “Stop hiding.”

“Aw, kid, I’ve done nothing but hide here.” I heard the familiar sound fill my ears as my heart skipped a beat.

“You were dead,” I could hardly talk as my throat seemed to close, “You were _dead_.”

“Ah, Pine Tree, I find it truly hilarious how you thought I would never return. It’s funny how dumb you are.” He chuckled.

“What are you doing here?” I uttered, full of hatred.

“Hey now,” he laughed again, “Not so hasty. I can read your thoughts, you know.”

“I think I deserve the right to hate you as much as I do for almost killing me and my whole family and terrorizing this whole town.” I felt a shiver go down my spine as I remembered the panic inside me as I helped save the town I’d loved and adored.

“For what, Pine Tree, so they could die horrible deaths years later? I mean your Grunkle Stan, the stupid one, is already dead. Little Fordsie is a bit past his time, don’t you think? His brain was the one that saved him all those times and now that six fingered freak’s brain is gonna be the death of him. What a shame. How ironic.” Bill taunted.

I whipped around, wiping the tears out of my eyes.

“Don’t you fucking dare talk about my family.” I snapped as I squinted at him.

I was taken aback as I saw his eye and shivered.

“Pine Tree, I gotta say, you’ve gained some courage in the moment, eh?” Bill squinted menacingly, “You act a lot like your Ford. You have got that big brain in you. You’ve got a weird ass mark on your forehead. Oh, yeah, and went off and left your sibling to suffer alone.”

“You have no idea what it’s like,” I started.

“I’ve been watching countless dimensions and lifetimes,” Bill shook his head, “Of course I know what _betrayal_ looks like.”

“What are you doing here?” I repeated, “You here to taunt me? To feel better about yourself?”

“I’m doing my job, Dipper,” He shook his head, “I guess yours was to protect Mabel. The thing about my job is, I never fail.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kinda short but very dialogue heavy so yeah sorry lmao  
> i had a bunch of math homework so i'm trying to keep up quick updates with smaller chapters  
> hope you enjoy  
> -c.p.c


End file.
